The Truth Behind the BabySitters' Club
by insert-cool-pen-name-here
Summary: The story of the REAL BSC! Parody, slight femslash with Abby and Dawn. Enjoy!
1. The REAL Claudia Kishi

Author's Note :  
  
Many people around the world know the Baby Sitters club as a group of teenage girls who baby-sit and do good deeds in their spare time. Or, at least that is what is written about them. But these people do not know that the lives of the babysitters are based on true events that really happened. When the original author of the series, Ann M. Martin, met the community club, she was struck with the idea to write a book series. However, Martin had to change several things about characters and settings so they wouldn't sue her. For instance, the original town of Stoneybrook is actually called Stunybroke. Also, any names or places that have different names I changed because I wanted to. (Example, Stunybroke and the Washungtun Mall).  
  
The following story is a typical day in the real lives of the babysitters, taking place in the year 2000, when they are all 13. Beware, some information might shock you…  
  
Claudia Kishi picked some zits as she sat at the breakfast table. Her cool, happenin' older sister Janine was sitting across from her, in designer fashions. Claudia's mother stepped away from the griddle and put some pancakes in front of her youngest daughter.  
  
"Here, I made you some pancakes, just the way you like them. With chocolate chips. Mmmm, yummy!"  
  
Claudia put her fork down and screamed at her mother.  
  
"Mom! I am trying to lose weight! Do you want me to be fat?! It's not easy being 580 pounds! I'd like to see you try it!" She ran up to her room and slammed the door. Janine shrugged.   
  
"It is so much pressure trying to follow me. I am just so smart, beautiful, thin and witty." Both mother and daughter laughed and laughed.  
  
Back in her room, Claudia was eating all of the candy she had stashed. Even though her parents allowed her to eat it, Claudia hid it anyway. It made her seem dramatic. Claudia was really fat, and had an issue with it. Funny, how she never tried to lose weight, though. Oh, well. She went over to her closet and pulled out her outfit for that day. It was a pair of ripped jeans and a pink sequined shirt that said "Im Stoopid". Over her pants, Claudia put on a pair of Logan's plaid boxers that she stole (from Mary Anne's room). She tied a purple cape around her neck in a big bow.  
  
Claudia fixed her hair into two high pigtails and then put another pair of Logan's stolen boxers on top of that, with each ponytail through the pant leg. She carefully applied silver mascara, green lipstick, and pink blush before heading out to the car that was honking its horn in the driveway.  
  
"Yo, keep it real, sista." Janine said to her as she left.  
  
Waiting in the driveway was Kristy Thomas' older brother Charlie, in his amazing sports car, the Deal on Wheels. With him was Kristy and Abby Stevenson, also members of the Baby-sitters Club. Seventeen year-old Charlie was driving. Claudia giggled nervously and sat down in the passenger seat.  
  
"Yo, what's shaking? Your blubber?" Charlie asked her.  
  
Claudia was excited. "I knew he liked me! Actually talking this time!" Claudia thought in her head. Claudia was hung up on Charlie sooo badly. Too bad she was only thirteen. Muahahahaha.  
  
Ignoring her once more, Charlie turned his head to the backseat.  
  
"What's the next stop, baby sis?" He asked Kristy.  
  
"Um, to Stacey's house. Then we'll swing by Mary Anne and Dawn's house. Let's see, then we'll head off to the Washungtun mall."  
  
Charlie stopped short, and everyone lurched forward.   
  
"St-St-Stacey's coming?" he squeaked, his voice suddenly high.  
  
Kristy looked at him. "Du-uh. Charlie likes Stacey!!! The only reason he drives us everywhere is so he can ogle at Stacey. Oooh!"  
  
Claudia began to cry quietly. Unlike other people, anything could set her off. Of course Charlie liked Stacey, she thought. Stacey always stole guys. Claudia was still whimpering as they pulled up to Stacey's house. 


	2. The REAL Stacey McGill

Stacey McGill woke up with the sun that morning . She felt happy and well relaxed, as usual. Stacey had never been sick a day in her life. She stopped to admire herself in one of the many mirrors around her room. Then she went into her bathroom and plugged the hair straighter into the wall. Stacey had wild, curly hair that she hated. She paid money to get it relaxed, but it still wasn't straight. She settled with wavy and put on her "face".  
  
After wrestling with her hair for a hour or two, she went downstairs to greet her mother and father, who were both happily married. The McGills moved to Stunybroke about a year ago from St. Paul, Minnesota, and Stacey was adjusting nicely, though she missed the "city life". After eating breakfast, Stacey went up to her room to pick out her outfit. Even if they were just going to the mall, she loved showing up all the other club members, even her best friend, Claudia.  
  
Stacey's outfit was so Minnesota chic. She had cut up a red prom dress, so the skirt was short. The top was red beaded and short sleeved. Under her skirt, Stacey put on some black leggings and roll down socks that made her ankles look like ice cream cones! Some red high tops, a beanie, and lots of black jewelry completed the outfit.  
  
"Bye folks!" She called to her parents as she went to the front door.  
  
In the car already were Kristy, Abby, and Claudia. They waved to her as Charlie hopped out of the drivers door.  
  
"Claudia, would you mind moving? Hurry! Can't your fat move any faster? Stacey is waiting! Sit up front with me Stacey, doll, darling!" He patted the leather.  
  
Stacey mouthed "sorry" to Claudia and sat up front. Claudia began the waterworks again as the pulled away from the curb, and stopped as they reached Bradford Court and the home of Mary Anne Spier and Dawn Schafer. 


	3. The REAL MaryAnne and DAWN!

Mary Anne was laying on her bed talking on the phone with her boyfriend Logan Bruno. Her stepsister and best friend, Dawn, was looking through her closet.  
  
"You what? Logan! Logan…? You are so silly, Logan!" Mary Anne giggled into the receiver. She had a reputation. Mary Anne and Logan had gotten together only a month ago, but they had already… er… rounded the bases. Mary Anne was kind of pretty, tough, and a flirt.   
  
"You hang up first. No, you! Logan! Okay one, two… Logan?" Mary Anne stared at her phone. Dawn was standing over her. She had disconnected the phone.  
  
"Geez! Get a grip, Mary Anne! We'd have been here all day!"  
  
"Sorry. It's just that Logan is so, so…"  
  
Dawn ignored her. She held up another shirt she had just found in her drawer. Dawn looked in the mirror once more before showing Mary Anne.  
  
"Mary Anne-y? What do you think about this shirt? Does it bring out my eye color better than the one I'm wearing?" She held up the shirt. The one she had on was white, and it had a cartoon whale on it. He was saying in a speech bubble "Save the Whales! Brrrrraawar!" The second one was turquoise with a turtle on it. The turtle was saying in a speech bubble "Save the Turtles! Brreeeaka!"  
  
Mary Anne rolled over and glanced at the two shirts. Neither was her style, really. Mary Anne preferred spandex and leather.   
  
"They're both nice. It's the fourth time you changed already! Who're you trying to impress? Abby?" Mary Anne laughed at her own joke.  
  
Dawn tried to laugh too, but inside she was hurt. Did Mary Anne know? Dawn was still in the closet. She was in love with Abby.  
  
Outside, a car horn honked. Charlie's car. The two sisters ran outside and hopped into the convertible. 


	4. Whatever Happened to Jessi and Mal?

"Abby! You look great!" Dawn squealed as she hopped into the car. "I mean, hey, Abby, what's up? What's up, Kristy, Stacey, Claud? Hey, Charlie." Dawn squeezed in between Kristy and Abby, and gave Abby a smile. Abby smiled back, a little weirded out by Dawn. Then again, everyone was weirded out by Dawn. Mary Anne just hopped in next to Stacey and Kristy, pulled some Virginia Slims out of her purse, and blew smoke everywhere.  
  
The drive to the mall didn't take a long time. On the way though, someone remembered about Mallory and Jessi.  
  
"Yo, Stace-o, where's your hot sixth grade friend at?" Charlie asked her when they were halfway there.   
  
"What do you mean, Charlie? Oh! Mallory and Jessi? I don't know. Claud called them and said they couldn't make it. What happened, Claudia?"  
  
Claudia shifted around in her seat for a moment before answering.  
  
"Uh- Mallory had to- um, something about horses and Jessi had a- a um- a baptism in the Bronx to go to! Yeah! A baptism. Heh, heh."  
  
Claudia was lying, even though no one knew it. It was Claudia's job to invite the other two members of the club, Mallory Pike and Jessi Ramsey, on the mall trip. Claudia didn't want to invite Mallory. First off, Mallory was pretty. Charlie had noticed last time, and she didn't want him to ignore Claudia. Mallory had long, curly auburn hair, deep brown eyes, straight teeth, perfect features and great skin. Claudia was insanely jealous, and any competition made her want to kill people. So, Claudia did not call either of the two girls, because Jessi would have told Mallory anyway. The rest of the babysitters dismissed it, and they pulled up into the mall parking lot.  
  
As everyone was getting out of the car, Charlie stopped Stacey.  
  
"Stacey, could you wait a minute? I'll meet you guys in a couple of hours." He asked her, and told the baby sitters. Stacey nodded and the other girls went into the mall. The browsed around in the junior section until Stacey came in five minutes later, flustered. Nobody asked her what happened. 


	5. The Truth about Dawn and Abby

The girls were looking around a clothing store when Stacey announced she had to go pee-pee. When Stacey asked Claudia to go with her, she did.  
  
Meanwhile, Dawn and Abby were looking at the shirts. Abby held up a rainbow striped one that said "I'M GLAAD" on it. Both girls looked at it for a while.  
  
"Ya know, it reminds me of something I saw. I just can't remember what it is though. Do you know?" Abby asked Dawn. Dawn blushed and looked at the ground.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I do." She said, meeting Abby's eyes. "You see, um it's the symbol for-for homosexuals!" She put the shirts down and Dawn started crying.  
  
"Dawn! What's wrong? It's just a shirt!" Dawn was getting really worked up. She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve.  
  
"It's not the shirt. You see, my parents got divorced because my mother is a lesbian. And so my dad made me move away. But I'd rather be in California because I am a lesbian too!" Dawn just blurted it all out. Abby hugged her.  
  
"It's okay, Dawn. Well, I've been thinking a lot too, and remember when Ross asked me out? (See Abby's Un-Valentine, #126) Well, I wasn't attracted to him. And that got me thinking, when have I ever been attracted to a guy? When? I couldn't think of any times, so…so maybe…"  
  
Dawn and Abby were both crying now. All of a sudden, in the middle of the mall, Dawn kissed Abby.  
  
"Wow, Dawn. If I had only known…"   
  
"It's okay. Just kiss me again! Kiss me, you fool!" 


	6. Meet Me In The Bathroom

Meanwhile, Claudia and Stacey were in the bathroom. Stacey was in a stall while Claudia was admiring her reflection.  
  
"So, what did Charlie want, Stace?" Claudia asked nonchalantly. Stacey grunted and then giggled.  
  
"Oh, you won't believe it, Claud! I'm not telling anyone but you though. God, I gotta eat more fiber!" She grunted some more and came out of the stall. Without flushing.  
  
"So, what did he want? Was it serious?" Claudia stared at her mirror while Stacey washed her hands in the sink.  
  
"Oh, Claud, it's so great! First he was all 'Stace, you look really hot today!' And I was all, 'Wow, Charlie thanks!' And then I thought, 'A seventeen year old thinks I'm way hot!'"  
  
Claudia interrupted Stacey.  
  
"He said hot, not way hot, biotch."  
  
Stacey looked at her funnily.   
  
"Same difference. Anyway, then he's like, 'Maybe we can go out sometime', and I'm all, 'Yeah that would be cool'. And he's all, 'Pick you up Saturday at 8:00?' and I'm like, 'I'll be there, cutie'. And then I left. Isn't that awesome?! I have a seventeen year-old boyfriend!" Claudia turned to Stacey.  
  
"HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!"  
  
Claudia picked Stacey up and threw her against the bathroom wall. When Stacey started sputtering, Claudia went over and picked her up. Then, she held her against the wall by her throat.   
  
"Stacey, if you value your life, don't go on the date with Charlie. If you do, you will be answering to me, and Claudia Junior!"  
  
When Claudia said that, she pulled a knife ("Claudia Junior") out of her back   
  
pocket. Then, she held it up to Stacey chin, pressing so that a tiny drop of blood fell. Stacey gagged and tried to kick Claudia, but she was too strong for her.  
  
"If you tell anyone about this meeting, well… think about it, Stacey. Wanna be Mrs. Stacey Thomas - or your life?"  
  
She let go of Stacey and she fell to a heap in the middle of the floor. Claudia gave her one last kick before exiting the bathroom. 


	7. The End of MaryAnne

While the bathroom ordeal was going on, Abby and Dawn had disappeared somewhere. Kristy had gone to look for a sports store without telling anyone. So, Mary Anne, all alone, went outside to the back of the mall to smoke. As she was sitting on a railing, a limo pulled up. The back window rolled down and Mary Anne was face to face with… Hugh Hefner!  
  
"Hey, kid, how old are you?" he asked her.  
  
Mary Anne lied and hopped off the railing. She opened the limo door and hopped in. Inside were Hugh and his entourage!  
  
"I just turned eighteen a week ago."   
  
"I like your look, kid. Would you like a job working for me in California? You'd have it made. What's your name, kid?"  
  
Mary Anne took a long drag from her cigarette.  
  
"Misty Kensington. And I'd love to work for you. I'll start right now!"  
  
The limo sped away to the airport, and Misty, Hef, and the Playboy bunnies flew to California. And that is the last time anyone from Stunybroke heard from Mary Anne Spier. 


	8. Epilouge and Author's Note

EPILOUGE  
  
YEAR 2020, WHEN ALL MEMBERS OF THE BABY SITTERS CLUB ARE 33 YEARS OLD…  
  
Kristy Thomas- Ramsey- Kristy's life was very un-successful. She tried to start a women's baseball league, but couldn't get enough women to join. Could this be because all players had to shave their heads, renounce their religion and pray to Kristy as their god? She later gave up her dream and married Justin Ramsey. Kristy is the only member of the baby-sitters club that turned out fairly normal. She resides in Florida with her husband and two kids.  
  
  
  
Claudia Kishi-Thomas- In her junior year of high school, Claudia lost 470 pounds, making her 110 pounds. That summer, Charlie Thomas proposed, and she accepted. During her senior year in high school, Claudia had 2 babies, twins Charlie Jr. and Mimi, on her math classroom floor. Now, at age 33, Claudia is the mother of 10 children, and living with her husband Charlie in Stunybroke. And though there may not be money to buy shoes or groceries, Claudia is happy because Charlie picked her over Stacey.  
  
Stacey Rodowsky- Formerly Stacey McGill, she married former babysitting charge Jackie Rodowsky in 2009, when she was 24. Jackie, the well known, loveable, all around klutz, is a sweet guy, even though he burned down their apartment in Minnesota by accident. Stacey and Jackie are now living in the garage off Jackie's old house, with his mother. Stacey is also pregnant with their first child, to be born in sixteen months.  
  
Abigail Stevenson and Dawn Schafer-Stevenson- As soon as Abby and Dawn graduated, they went to San Francisco so they could get hitched legally. Lovers since that age of 13, Dawn and Abby live in a condo in an "Active Gay Community". Dawn   
  
and Abby have also cut all ties from their home in Stunybroke, except for Mary Anne, Dawn's sister. Dawn also took on Abby's name because she is the more masculine of the two. Abby also cut her hair short, dresses in men's clothing, and stuffs her pants. Dawn is her regular gay self.  
  
Mary Anne Spier- Many people know her now as Misty Kensington, model and Playboy Bunny. Mary Anne lives in the playboy mansion with her boyfriend, Hugh, and the other people. Mary Anne is famous, and dates and schmoozes with tons of famous people. A year after she was discovered in 2000, Mary Anne was on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition wearing veeery little. That same year, she also had her own centerfold in Playboy. She also had twins, Gestring and Sthong, with Fred Durst. Mary Anne is now a very famous and successful model. The only people from Stunybroke who she keeps in touch with are her sister, Dawn, and Dawn's lover, Abby, to send them autographed copies of her magazines and pictures year-round.  
  
Mallory Pike- Even though Mallory grew up with beautiful looks, she became obsessed with them as she became older. Mallory sadly contracted MJ Disease, a disease where the person becomes obsessed with plastic surgery. Mallory Pike married her plastic surgeon, Richard Jones, and little by little as time went by, she began to resemble Michael Jackson. Her husband accidentally killed her during a surgery five years ago, at the age of 26. (Mal was two years younger than the other babysitters). Richard later stabbed himself. (He was a die-hard Michael Jackson fan and felt like he was killing Michael Jackson.)  
  
Jessi Ramsey- When Jessi turned 20, she went to Switzerland for a sex change operation, and turned herself into Justin Ramsey. It was there that he/she met his wife, Kristy, a baseball player on tour with her team. They later got married and they are now a happy couple, living in Florida. Jessi hasn't told Kristy who she really is, and Kristy has no idea. You just got punk'd, Kristy!  
  
Author's Note :  
  
I wrote this Babysitter's Club Fan Fic over a year ago, and I still crack up every time I read it. For the record, I did not mean to offend anybody, that's just my sense of humor. And if you were offended, I'm sorry. Just don't take this babysitter stuff too seriously. Or you could end up like Claudia in my next ff, to be published shortly. (and you'll just have to wait to see what happens!)  
  
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Because I've already written another one, and I have two more almost done. So whether you like it or not, you'll definitely be seeing more of me.  
  
Also, I have nothing against babysitters. So I'm sorry if you found that offensive, too. I didn't mean it to be when I wrote it. And I still don't. I was at the impressionable age of 12! Now, I'm 14, but I still think that shit is funny. Ah well. C'est la vie! 


End file.
